well if any one should read this. its been forever since i made an entry, why you ask well the answer is simply i got busy for a few weeks and somehow totally for got i have my account. then a friend said guess what everyone i got a livejournal which made think wait don't i have one of those?...hmmm... i should see if i still have it or if its been deleted from inactivity. so here i am. there is an ice storm due here in kentucky tonight. but i don't mind. what i've decided i do mind is that its so damn cold. can't change the weather so i'm working on adjusting and not turning in to an ice cube be for spring. lol. i'm sadly once again out of california and back in Kentucky with my mom and sister. my mom is thrilled to have me home. my sister is not. she hates the fact that i'm back. she told me it was weird that i was here and around again, but now i think she hates having me here. which isn't a huge shock for a few weeks now i've been thinking damn i think she actually hates me now. truthfully i have no clue how we became soo different that i swear she'd rather be an only child. plus she can snoop through anything that is mine but i can't even try and read a newspaper over her shoulder half the time. she wouldn't let me move one thing two inches on the top of the tv stand so as to put up one of my picture frames. so all of my stuff is in boxes in my moms room. there is one item and only one that is mine in thee entire apartment outside my mothers room. and even that one item won't be out for longer. only when i'm using it( its my sewing machine by the way) then its off with it to join the rest of the boxes of my stuff. oh i lied she did let me leave my dvds in a box next to hers. that way she can watch them if she wants with out having to send me to find the right box. i don't know if i should be laughing or crying most of the time. i knew moving back in with mom and my sister would be different from when we were little and lived together but i didn't know it would be like this.

ok this is going to be nothing more then incoherent babbling just to warn you. first off i had surgery recently actually it was exactly one month ago. i feel fine but according to the doctor i should be very worried about my future health and life. so thats a bitch. plus i am no longer working and i believe i can not go back to my old job. my boss replaced me when i was in the hospital and was unsure of how long i would be out of work. now i have to find a new job. this one where i get paid with taxes coming out of my check and everything. but i have to find a job close enough to walk to because other wise i would have no way to get to work other then the bus and the bus is not always a reliable way of getting to and from work. that or i have to find a job as a nanny somewhere which is not impossible just slightly harder since i don't have a drivers licenses. i could stay here long enough for my friends to teach me to drive and i most likely will but my aunt is already bitching about my needing to find a job. god how i hate being related to part of my family!!!!!! plus i hung out with some friends tonight at the creekwalk, and you know it made me think that being single is not so great. plus i went out to lunch with my grandmother and her friend and her friends husband and her friends husbands friend. so all in all there were five of us and i was the youngest bye at least 20 years! but i did get to go see the new movie Nancy Drew. it was good. either way even though i did a bunch of what most people would call fun things today. for some odd reason i am depressed and actually lonely. you know i really wish to know why we have emotions ? cause on some days my emotions get the best of me and i get very depressed for no reason or at least no really good reason. either way this is the end of my pointless meaningless god knows why I'm so depressed feeling ranting at least for tonight.

Ok well i just read that other post that i had written and OMG. i have nor managed to fix my life yet. my month to month time line gets fucked up every time a new month rolls in. and i was not planning on celebrating my birthday then i decided i could possibly use my birthday as a way to get some one almost anyone to take me to one of the two places I've been trying to go to. but with no car and drivers license i can not get there alone. first thing was i wanted to go to the Beach, Bodega Bay preferably, or i would be willing to settle for the lake. the other place i really really really really want to go it to SF . i want to go to the pier. the only one who might be willing to take me there though it seems is my aunt. if i go with her she'll start bitching at me and well if she does then I'll start bitching back and then she'll try to threaten to get my grandmother to kick me out of the house. and right now i can't afford to get kicked out cause i don't really want to go back to KY. don't get me wrong i mean i do want to live once again with my sister but not enough to put up with my step dad. either way since my aunt is the only one willing to take me i have decided fuck it. I'm gonna ignore my birthday. if and i do mean IF i do anything it will be drinking with my best friend Amber after work.

ok well so far this year is kinda boring but hey it is only the 13th. but so far i have fixed a wheel on a double stroller it was great. my boss and her husband both tried to fix the stupid wheel, and couldn't do it. i brought the stroller into the house and got out the hair dryer. i used the hair dryer to warm the plastic up and at the same time i used a butter knife to help pull the one piece back on to its proper place. and it worked. it hurt my hands and now their kinda scratched up but hey i fixed that stupid wheel that no one else could fix. and I'm not doing to bad on trying for the billionth time to stop biting my nails. plus I'm on a new diet again for like the billionth time. so maybe this one will work. sadly i cheated big time today i couldn't help myself i stopped at Starbucks on the way home. i have officially worked 6 days this week only part time the 6th day and i just agree to work part time an extra day every week so now I'm gonna even busier then be for. I've also been working on my life time line. something stupid i have to try and keep me from screwing up my life more then i already have. so hopefully i will get things back in line and have a solid month by month plan for the next two years laid out be for February. at least that is my goal. ok well i have now written enough to get me locked up in the loony bin so thats all for now.

ok well i'm starting thsi journal cause i always lose my real journals. plus i prefer typing over writing most of the time. ok well i'm shy, i'm quite , and i have very little self confidence or self esteem but I'm working on those. right now my problems involve the fact that i volunteered to watch a little girl for a week and a half and i have to make thanksgiving dinner all by myself this year and be hostess to my aunt and cousins all of whom r very picking people needless to say i've given me self a headache ! one good thing i guess is i went into SF today and saw the play Menopause it was fucking funnier then shit !!!!!! although it does scare me since i'll b there in like 40 years. lol . oh well y worry overly much about the future. oh well at least i can look forward to the fact that i should be abl to drink tuesday or wensday night :) yay sadly thats 2 days away. :( oh well pluse this next week is parents teacher confrences for the kids at the daycare i work at so we have ALL of them from 12:30 instead of all of them from 3:00. its gonna be a mad house at work . by the time friday rolls around i'm gonna be in desperate need of a good drinking session. lol ok well TTFN ! ( ta ta for now ) hehe tigger is cute what can i say. ~*~ MoonGoddess~*~